Zidane takes a joint
by Rufus J ShinRa1
Summary: Dragoon mobsters, Zidane getting stoned, all that and more in this happy drug-filled adventure!


  
  
  
ZIDANE TAKES A JOINT  
by Rufus J Shinra  
  
Okay this fanfic is rightfully rated "R" for the content. If you don't like this kind of humor don't read it and flame me. And just so you know I'm not a Pot-head. I just find this humor funny. You've been warned.  
  
  
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Alexandria, Zidane Tribal was sitting with his Tantalus group in the bar. All of a sudden Blank came out of the bathroom his eyes blood-shot.  
  
"Hey Blank is somthing wrong?" Zidane asked. Blank slowly shook his head and opened his mouth and a wierd stench came out. A small plastic baggie and a long tube was hanging out of Blank's pockets.  
  
"Hey what's that Blank?" Baku asked sipping his Scotch. Blank lifted up the baggie.  
  
"Oh this? This is just uh...a magical potion that makes you feel better. Ummm...you put the leaves in this thingie called a bong and it makes you feel better." Blank said. Baku was enraged.  
  
"HEY! NO POT-HEADS IN TANTALUS!" Baku said lifting up Blank. Blank tried to get away and fell on his face. Baku and the group left angrily and Zidane saw the bong on the floor. Curious he picked it up and went home.  
  
  
(Alexandria Castle)  
  
Steiner stood guard with his Pluto Knights. Guarding the castle was hard. One of the Knights came up and saluted Steiner.  
  
"Sir. Our prostitution sting has worked. Blitzen had the perfect disquise." The Knight said. Blistzen was dressed in a short skirt with blue eyeshadow and ruby red lipstick.  
  
"Excellent. Who did we bring in?" Steiner asked. Hagen took one of the culprit's in and the identidy of the man was no other than...Regent Cid.   
  
"I knew it...the leader of Lindulbum is a...PIMP!" Steiner said. Cid got up.  
  
"Please let me go. If Hilda finds out-" Cid started but one of the Pluto Knights knocked him over the head and dragged him out. Steiner felt he had did a job well done. Biltzen went back onto his sting operation. Queen Brahne would be pleased with him for cleaning up Alexandria. What a fine Knight he was.  
  
(Zidane's house)  
  
Zidane dropped the bong his eyes blood-shot. Smoke was in the room and the doorbell rang.  
  
"Who the hell is there?" Zidane said slowly.   
  
"It's Vivi!" The voice came. Zidane now completly stoned opened the door and the tiny Black Mage came in.  
  
"Man it smells really bad." Vivi said softly. Zidane just walked around aimlessly.  
  
"Man I'm totally fucked up!" Zidane said and collapsed. Vivi slowly went out of the house and ran away scared.  
  
(Kuja's trashy apartment)  
  
Kuja watched his T.V. looking gayer then ever. He stuffed some stale popcorn in his mouth while watching the Wizard of Oz frollicing to it. He shut his favorite movie off and he thought about how to do somthing evil. All of a sudden the doorbell rang. It was the mailman.  
  
"Excuse me miss...but here's your package." The mailman said. Kuja growled.  
  
"I am not a woman! You fucking moron!" He said as his feminine hands grasped a pen as he was signing the paper for the package. The mailman left and Kuja opened the package. Yes new equipment for his new evil scheme. He opened the package and laughed a very feminine laugh.  
  
(Dagger's room)  
Dagger looked out the window. All of a sudden Vivi came into the room very scared.  
  
"Princess! Somthing's wrong with Zidane!" Vivi said. Dagger smelt him.  
  
"God you smell like shit. Where were you?" Dagger said. Vivi closed his ears after the swear word but then looked at Dagger.  
  
"His house. He had a long tube-like object." Vivi said. Dagger thought. She had heard somthing about those things but wasn't quite sure. All of a sudden Steiner came in.  
  
"Princess! I your loyal Knight Steiner have found the ringleader in the Alexandria prostitution ring. Regent Cid!" Steiner bellowed saluting. Dagger gasped.  
  
"Regent Cid is a...Pimp?" Dagger said. All of a sudden Queen Brahane's voice beckoned.  
  
"Hey! Steiner! BRING ME MORE FOOD!!!!" Brahane shouted in the background. Steiner sighed and went upstairs leaving Dagger only to wonder.  
  
(Throne room)  
  
"MORE FOOD!" Brahne roared as the Alexandrian soliders scurried everywhere to bring thier queen food! Brahane dug into the mountain of chicken, juice dripping all over her face.  
  
"Mmmmm...delicous! How have the children in the gingerbread house been holding up?" Brahne said. The Gingerbread house outside the castle was luring child after child in.  
  
"Ummm...quite well. The children will be ready soon." The solider said. Bahane nodded and grabbed a whole years worth of Chicken nuggets and slammed them into her fat mouth.  
  
"MORE!" She bellowed. The solider's scurried and dumped some more nuggets into her fat mouth.  
  
"Now I'm hungry for some solider! Do your country's duty...IN MY BELLY!" Brahne said holding up a solider who squirmed in her hand like those creatures did in Star Wars before Jabba the Hut ate them. Brahne slammed the solider in her mouth chewed and burped out a helmet.  
  
(Large 20 story building)  
The head of the Alexandria Dragoon mafia, Freya Crecent stood in her office in the large Mafia building.  
  
"What are are profits Sir Fratley?" She asked the Dragoon next to her.  
  
"30,000 gil a month. Not enough. Oh and we have a squealer." Fratley said. Freya nodded.  
  
"Bruno! Bring him in!" Freya said. A large muscular Dragoon dragged in the painter from Lindulbum in.  
  
"So. You've been squealing about the Dragoon Mafia's activities eh?" Freya said behind her desk. The painter had a scared look in his eyes.  
  
"Do you know who the hell I am?" Freya said. The painter shook more.  
  
"Ummm...a very nice mob boss who will let me go?" He said.   
  
"Try again mother fucker." Freya said. The painter thought again.  
  
"Ummm...a very nice LADY who will let me go?" He asked. Freya shook her head.  
  
"Try again mother fucker." Freya said and snapped her fingers. Bruno jumped. Although due to his enormous size he didn't jump very high but that didn't stop him from taking the painter several floors with him. Freya laughed and sat back on her desk.  
  
(Zidane's house)  
  
Zidane had gotten used to the pot. He smoked his last joint for the day and relaxed only a little stoned. His phone rang and he picked it up.  
  
"Zidane..." An evil yet feminine sounding voice came on the other line.  
  
"Yes?" Zidane asked. The voice spoke again.  
  
"I have these mushrooms...perhaps you would like to try them. I will leave them on your doorstep in one hour." The voice said and hung up. Zidane shrugged and went back to smoking. The phone rang again.  
  
"Hello?" Zidane asked. It was Dagger.  
  
"Zidane. I was wondering if you could do a favor for me..." Dagger said. Zidane shook his head.  
  
"Nope. I'm ummm....busy." Zidane said taking another hit. He hung up the phone and went back to what he was doing.  
  
(Alexandria)  
  
Amarant was happy. Regent Cid was arrested so now HE was the new Master Pimp of Alexandria. He wore a black suit with a tie, a bowl hat (which was extremly small on his huge head) and sported a pimp cane.   
  
"The Alexandria prostituition ring...is all mine." He sighed and bumped into a guy sending him flying.  
  
"Fuck you asshole!" The guy said. Amarant ignored him swinging his pimp-cane around. No one was as cool as him. Knocking people over as he went he slowly creeped into his "warehouse" and fell asleep on his cot.  
  
  
(An alley)  
  
The Dragoon mobsters clad in thier black suits and Dragon helmets held a person at spear-point.  
  
"You a squealer?" One of the Dragoons asked fixing his spear. The shroud revealed thier victim...Lani, one of Amarant's "Workers"  
  
"No I swear!" Lani said. The Dragoon slammed her against the wall.  
  
"Shut up! You were the one who ratted out Regent Cid. He brought a lot of money to the Dragoon mafia. Maybe you should have a visit with...the boss." Another Dragoon said. Lani stepped back.  
  
"I don't think so assholes..." Lani said clutching her shirt. The Dragoons laughed.  
  
"What are you going to do? Your unarmed!" One of the Dragoons said. Lani took her shirt off revealing her large firm breasts.  
  
"Take a look at THESE!" She said. The Dragoons drooled.  
  
"WOAH MAMA!" One Dragoon said and stepped forward. Lani kicked him and threw his spear into another one. The last Dragoon screamed and ran away. Lani put her shirt back on.  
  
"Jeez...they will be all over me soon...gotta escape." She said and ran off.  
  
  
(Zidane's apartment)  
  
Zidane swallowed the mushroom. He saw colors. Pretty colors. VERY pretty colors. Zidane started walking around tripping everwhere. Steiner, and Dagger came in.  
  
"The Princess would like to speak to you!" Steiner said. Zidane looked at Steiner and laughed.  
  
"Hey Rusty...you've got two faces...ha,ha,ha...URK!" Zidane said and fell backwards. Steiner left disgusted and Dagger picked up a small baggie full of some intresting weeds and left. Zidane was out cold for the rest of the day.  
  
  
(Throne room)  
  
The cow was lowerd slowly into Queen Brahne's mouth. The cow's name...we'll just call her Laurice the cow was mooing in fright of Brahne's opening mouth.  
  
"YUM!" Brahne said as the poor animal went into her mouth. She swallowed burping out a bell. Laurice the cow mooed her last moo. Brahne finished her meal and went to Garnet's room. It smelt kinda of bad. She opened the door and almost tripped on a strangly shaped glass tube. Tossing it aside the fat queen stared at her daughter who seemed strange.  
  
"GARNET! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?" The queen thundred. Dagger looked at her.  
  
"N-nothing mother. I'm going to pass out on the bed now...." Dagger said and collapsed. Brahne left the room confused and soon went back to eating another cow.  
  
  
(Alexandia castle)  
  
"Okay. We've discovered the new Master pimp's hideout. It's in the slums of Alexandria." Steiner said to the Pluto Knights.  
  
"Our plan is this. I will come dressed as one of his workers and infiltrate thier lair." Beatrix said. The Pluto knights nodded in agreement.  
  
  
  
  
(Street corner)  
  
Beatrix walked down the bad streets of Alexandria. There were more prostitutes. Someone had taken over the Alexandrian prostitution ring and she was to be part of the sting operation. Slapping on some Ruby red lipstick she went into Amarant's wherehouse.  
  
"Oh my god...Amarant's the new Master Pimp of Alexandria..." She saw as Amarant stepped up.  
  
"Your first job will be to escort Mr. Cinna." Amarant said. Cinna smiled gleefully and Beatrix groaned. They both walked outside. Cinna stopped.  
  
"Hey babe I'm ready!" Cinna said and came closer but was stopped by Beatrix's Save The Queen sword.  
  
"You idiot. I'm trying to uncover who the Master Pimp of Alexandria is. And I just found out it was Amarant." Beatrix said and then she eyed to people in Black suits wearing Dragon shaped helmets armed with spears.  
  
"Is that the Dragoon mafia?" Cinna said and Beatrix knocked him out and looked closer. They were talking with Amarant.  
  
"Mr. Amarant...we have heard that one of your clients ratted out Regent Cid. It was Lani." The Dragoon said. Beatrix called out.  
  
"Pluto Knights get ready..." She said. The second Dragoon was eying the beautiful women and walked up.   
  
"DUMBASS! PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR JOB!" The other Dragoon said slapping his partner on the head.  
  
"We'll be back. Make sure it dosen't happen again...or I'll tell the boss." The Dragoon said and he and his partner started to leave.  
  
"Yes Mr. Dragstofski." Amarant said. Beatrix gave the signal and Steiner and his Pluto Knights charged in swords drawn.  
  
"AMARANT CORAL! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" Steiner said. Amarant took a step back.  
  
"I helped you save the world! Please let me go!" Amarant pleaded. Steiner motioned to Blitzen.  
  
"Cuff him." Steiner ordered. Amarant picked the Pluto Knight up and tossed him into a building. Amarant ran off dropping his pimp cane. He went to pick it up but was knocked over the head by Beatrix and handcuffed.  
  
"I didn't do 'nuthin. This is bullshit!" Amarant said.   
  
"Shut up." Beatrix replied taking him to the dungeon.  
  
  
(Alexandria castle)  
  
Vivi went up to Zidane and Garnet and began to talk.  
  
"Uh...you two...I know you have all been on drugs and quite frankly it isn't good." Vivi said. Zidane wobbled a bit.  
  
"But it makes you feel good..." Zidane said using his bong.  
  
"The Alexandrian prostitution ring has been destroyed. But-who is the head of the Dragoon mafia and who supplied all these drugs?" Steiner asked Beatrix. Beatrix shrugged.  
  
"In any case we must find out the head of the Dragoon mofia." Beatrix said. Zidane got up.  
  
"Why I will! I will defeat them I will bring justice and-man I'm so fucking high." Zidane said and flopped down on the ground. Steiner looked at Zidane.  
  
"Is there a cure for his...addiction?" Steiner asked. Beatrix nodded.  
  
"Quitting. But there is an addiction killer but it belongs to the Dragoon mafia." Beatrix said. Steiner went red faced and kicked the bong with disquist.  
  
(Dragoon mafia HQ)  
  
"It seems...someone has fallen out of the line of respect." Freya said eying her minions. They all shivered with fear.  
  
"And I think it is-Draco two times...the Dragoon who always say's his sentences twice." Freya said.  
  
"What do you-what do you mean?" Draco said. Freya motioned to Bruno. Bruno jumped a couple of inches in the air and sent Draco down several floors.  
  
"Now back to buisness. I hear Lani got away and killed two of our men." Freya said. Fratley nodded.  
  
"Plus the Alexandrian Prostituition ring has been destroyed. We need a new money maker. One with...drugs." Fratley said and Kuja came in.  
  
"I have gotten Zidane Tribal addicted to pot." Kuja said. Freya sighed. Zidane...her former comrade. But since he stopped paying her visits on christmas she decided to form the mafia circle...  
  
"He may be a fruit but we're stuck with him." Freya said to Fratley.  
  
  
(Another Dark alley)  
  
Lani walked towards her chocobo. She was about to step in it until a chaffuer stepped up.  
  
"Madam allow me to drive this chocobo into a safer neighborhood." the kind man said. Lani agreed. But when the Chaffuer got onto the chochobo it exploded. The Dragoon mobster hiding behind the crate snapped his fingers. They failed to kill Lani by rigging her chocobo to explode.  
  
"Damn...they must be after me again." Lani said. The Dragoon jumped onto the scene.  
  
"Lani prepare to die!" He said charging with his spear. Lani kicked the poor Dragoon in the nuts and threw him into a wall. The Dragoon was obviously dead from the impact. Lani ran towards an abandoned building. Dumb idea. There were three more Dragoons waiting for her.   
  
"Get her!" The leader Dragoon screamed. He jumped in the air. Lani drew her ax and as the Dragoon came down with his spear Lani hacked the Dragoon in two.  
  
"Yuck." Lani said. Another Dragoon came up with a spear pointed at her.  
  
"DIE BITCH!" The Dragoon yelled as he and his partner took Lani into a corner.  
  
"Um-Um...hi." Lani said smiling weakly. The Dragoons laughed. Taking the distraction to the advantage Lani took her ax out and spun around. Both helmeted heads plopped down on the floor. Panting, Lani escaped.  
  
(Dragoon mafia HQ)  
  
"What do you mean she got away again?" Freya said. The Dragoon in front of her.   
  
"Well I um-?" The Dragoon started. Freya flipped a switch under her desk and where the Dragoon was standing opened up and he fell down.  
  
"Idiot. Why can't anyone do anything right?" Freya said. Bruno grunted as he bit into the cheese burger.  
  
"Burger good. Bruno like." The huge Dragoon said. The huge brute Dragoon walked through the door making a Bruno-sized mark in it as he left.   
  
"I wonder where Lani lives....hmmm...I'll send a field agent..." Freya said laughing....again....and again....and stopped. Her Dragoon underlings gave her a strange look.  
  
"Hey I can laugh...CAN'T I?" She said. The Dragoons quickly nodded and went back to what they were doing.  
  
(Lani's house)  
Lani sat down on the couch. SO many attacks latley. She picked up the phone. She called the police station. An answering machine picked it up.  
  
"Hi this is Dragoon Mafia member 45678...judging from your frequency you are Lani...if you're thinking about squealing to the fucking porkers think again!" The recording said. Lani frowned.  
  
"While you are waiting...why not buy some Dragoon Mafia T-Shirts and-" Lani hung up.  
  
"There's gotta be somthing I can do to get this off my mind!" Lani said and switched on the T.V.  
  
"Hello boys and girls! It's another episode of-Mr. Fratley's neighborhood!" Sir Fratley said on the T.V. Fratley held up a Lani doll with cement shoes on it.  
  
"Boy's and girls...Lani here has been a squealer! And what do we say to squealers?" Fratley said.  
  
"YOUR SWIMMING WITH THE FISHIES TONIGHT!" The children said and watched with delight as Fratley pushed the Lani doll in a tank full of Sharks. Lani turned off the T.V.   
  
"Dammit!" She said and walked away.  
  
  
(Zidane's apartment)  
  
The mysterious dealer gave Zidane some pott. With a lighter in one hand and his tail holding up a bong Zidane smoked out. He blew a puff of smoke in the shape of what he believed Dagger's gorgeous breasts would look like. Dagger came in as he blew out some more smoke.  
  
"ZIDANE!" Dagger yelled and broke the bong.  
  
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Zidane said and cradled the shattred bong and started hitting the floor.  
  
"IT-JUST-DOSEN'T-GET-ANY-EASIER!!!!!" Zidane said and cried. Beatrix came in and opned his closet and a whole galore of drug related objects came out.  
  
"DAMMIT ZIDANE!" Beatrix said and slapped him upside the head. Still high Zidane turned on his strobe light and watched the pretty colors.  
  
"S-so Beatrix...when are we gonna attack the Dragoon Mafia....fuck this feels good." Zidane said and collapsed. Beatrix looked down and walked away.  
  
(Kuja's trashy apartment)  
  
Kuja was having a hard time. Mixing up Drugs and painting his fingernails was hard. Fratley came in.  
  
"The boss want's to know how's the operation going and-IS THAT A NAKED POSTER OF A NAKED MAN ON YOUR WALL?" Fratley said diquisted. Kuja nodded.  
  
"Isn't he dreamy?" Kuja said in a feminine voice and he continued painting his nails.  
  
"Kuja are you....that way?" Fratley asked. Kuja stopped.  
  
"What ever do you mean gorgeous-I mean Sir Fratley?" Kuja said. Fratley started stepping back.  
  
"Come on you silly goose. I just made some cake! Want some?" Kuja said holding a cake baked in the shape of a human ass. Fratley ran for the door.  
  
"WAIT!" Kuja said and Fratley stopped.  
  
"Just make the merchindise and stay away from me!" Fratley said and slammed the door. Kuja shrugged.  
  
"Wonder what got HIS thongs in a wad...ooooh....thongs." Kuja said and started drooling as he pot some chronic in a zip-lock bag. Kuja then went to bed and fell asleep dreaming about Sir Fratley's rear end. Little winged asses danced around Kuja's head as he fell asleep.  
  
(court room)  
  
Amarant stood clad in iron bindings. He still was cooler then anyone else...or so he thought.  
  
"All rise for the honerable judges Zorn and Thorn!" The baliff said. Amarant gasped.  
  
"Two judges! And it's those idiots? Don't they work at the castle?" Amarant said.  
  
"Silence! it's an extra 20,000 gil a month!" Zorn said. Thorn jumped up.  
  
"Extra 20,000 gil it is! Silence!" Thorn said. Amrant groaned. This would not be good.  
  
"Your honors we have much evidince to support Amarant's prostitutuon ring." The prosecuter said. Amarant stood up.  
  
"Objection your honors! I was only trying to keep my friend Cid's buisness going!" Amarant said.   
  
"Silence! You are guilty!" Zorn said.   
  
"GUILTY YOU ARE!" Thorn said. Amarant gasped.  
  
"You can't do this!" He said as the baliff dragged him out.  
  
"Wanna bet?" Zorn said.  
  
"BET WANNA?" Thorn said and did thier stupid ass dance and went out.  
  
***   
  
Lani sat down with Beatrix and Steiner.  
  
"Yeah I know where the Dragoon mafia's HQ is." Lani said. Steiner moved forward.  
  
"Tell us." He said. Lani shifted.  
  
"Yeah it's in that building that say's DRAGOON MAFIA HQ on it." Lani said. Beatrix gasped.  
  
"I never thought it would be there!" Beatrix said suprised. Lani gave her a funny look.  
  
"Are you stupid?" Lani asked. Beatrix looked mad.  
  
"Are you dissing me?" She asked. Lani shrugged and went out the door. Zidane (Now normal) came in.  
  
"Okay I'm in on going into the Dragoon mafia's HQ. What's the insertion plan?" Zidane asked. Beatrix smiled and started explaining.   
  
  
  
(Draggon mofia HQ)  
  
The Dragoon guard sat down at his desk reading a nudie magazine. The door chimed and Dagger and Zidane (In the same getup as Neo and Trinity in the Matrix) walked in.  
  
"Ummm...please remove any metal objects you may have." The Dragoon said. Zidane pulled the Ultima thief sword out of his trenchcoat and sliced down the poor sap.  
  
"HOLY FUCKIN DAMN,SHIT,COCKSUCKIN' BONER BITING, MICHAL JACKSON!" The Dragoon said saying the ultimante cuss word after being cut down. Several more Dragoons threw thier spears at Dagger. Dagger did the Matrix thing when they jump up in the air and freeze. She did that and kicked the Dragoon into a wall. The elevator came down and several more Dragoons charged at them with thier spears. Zidane jumped into the air did a bunch of flips and swung the Ultima weapon at the Dragoons slicing them all in two.  
  
"Good work." Zidane said to Dagger. Another spear flew at them. It barely missed Dagger's head. Dagger busted out the Matrix and flew Super-man style right into him. The Dragoon flew into the wall next tot he previous one. Zidane pulled out a joint and lit it and blew out the smoke.  
  
"Job well done. Next floor." Zidane said. Dagger smashed the joint and Zidane started tearing.  
  
"NO!" Dagger said and slapped him over the head. Zidane hung his head low and went towards the elevator. They took the elevator to the next floor. Then the screen flashed.  
  
BATTLE COMPLETE  
  
ZIDANE LEVEL UP!  
  
ZIDANE LEARNS "SUPER PUFF"  
  
(Freya's office)  
  
"We have an intruder or two intruders...." Fratley said counting his fingers.  
  
"Hmmm...Zidane and his girlfriend are coming." Kuja said. He dropped his nail polish and stood up.  
  
"I'll take care of him." Kuja said and ran out the door. Several Dragoons followed him.  
  
"The Dragoon mofia will not be shut down!" Freya said. Fratley nodded still counting his fingers.  
  
"One or two or-AW FUCK!" Fratley said. He stormed out of the room leaving Freya dazed.  
  
"I wonder when HE dropped out of school?" Freya said to herself.  
  
"Pre-school. I broke the toy train and killed everyone." Fratley's reply came.  
  
(One of the many floors)  
  
"Hey it's...Kuja! He has drugs!" Zidane said leaping for joy before Dagger caught him and pulled him back.  
  
"That's right sillybuns...it's all yours..." Kuja said holding up a baggie.  
  
Zidane broke Dagger's grip and ran toward's Kuja and grabbed the bag and sniffed it.  
  
"Hey...these are just shredded Maple leaves!" Zidane said. Kuja grinned and grabbed Zidane and flipped him over.  
  
"Your all mine..." Kuja said and giggled. A blast of energy knocked Kuja away and standing there was Beatrix.  
  
"Sorry Kuja. I can't let you do Zidane in the rear!" Beatrix said. Kuja growled and ran toward Beatrix. Beatrix signled Steiner and Steiner threw a net over Kuja.  
  
"Well...I guess that wraps it up for me." Steiner said and hoisted Kuja over his shoulder and threw him onto a cart and wheeled him off.  
  
"WAIT YOU BIG SILLIES!" Kuja screamed as they hauled him off to jail.  
  
"Well let's get that addiction cure." Dagger said and walked forward.  
  
"Looking for this?" Freya said appearing before them with a large bottle labled: ANTIDOTE  
  
"Hey Freya! Are you here to help us?" Zidane asked.  
  
"Guess again motherfucker!" Freya said and Fratley and Bruno came out.  
  
"HAW! HAW! BRUNO WILL CRUSH!" Bruno said. Zidane twirled his Ultima weapon. Taking a pipe he smoked a few joints.  
  
"Okay I'm ready!" Zidane said and charged forward. Bruno just knocked him aside and Freya laughed on.  
  
"Freya, why?" Dagger asked. Freya sighed.  
  
"You didn't give me any christmas cards!" Freya yelled. ZIdane got up but Bruno kicked his ass again.  
  
"Shit. That has to hurt." A voice came. Everyone looked up. It was Vivi. The tiny Black Mage rushed forward to save his friend....and ended up right next to him.  
  
"Can anything help us?" Vivi cried out. Bruno jumped towards them. But a long ugly fat hand snatched him out of the air.  
  
"FOOD!" Queen Brahane bellowed. She took a bite out of the wiggling Bruno and swallowed. Freya screamed.   
  
"DAMMIT!" Freya screamed.   
  
"Freya...make up with your friends." Lani's voice said. Freya glared.  
  
"Why should I listen to you squealer?" Freya asked.   
  
"SO THIS STUPID STORY CAN END!" Lani screamed. Freya understood.  
  
"Zidane I-what was that noise?" Freya asked hearing a low rumbling sound.  
  
"I think I'm going to-" Bahane said and let loose her fart. The whole building knocked over and Alexandria suffered a massive earthquake. Emerging from the rubble the whole group stood up shook hands and made amends. It was a very good day. Especially for Zidane because once he and Dagger got back tot he castle they had lot's of hardcore sex. Plus Zidane was cured!  
  
  
(Alexandria prison)  
  
Amarant woke up to the cell door opening. There stood his new cellmate. Kuja.  
  
"OOOH...YOU LOOK SO BIG!" Kuja said. Amarant tried to run away but it was too late. Kuja grabbed Amarant. ANd the whole ordeal was heard through the hall.   
  
"NO! NO!" Amarants voice came from the cell. A soft squishing sound was heard, plus a bloodcurdling scream.  
  
"Yeah, you like that dontcha, bitch?" KUja's voice echoed and he laughed with glee.  
  
THE END  
  
The morale of this story is:  
  
Don't do drugs, stay in school, eat your greens and Drink your milk.  
  
Please review but no flames please! You didn't have to read this.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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